For the Bride: Choosing Your Maid of Honor Part 2

Choosing who to elevate most of all your loved ones may be one of the hardest choices you have to make or it may be obvious because you have one special person who fits the bill. Still, there are a lot of factors that many brides don't consider until it's too late.

In my last post I got a little side-tracked on the number of maids of honor, so here's my advice on choosing one. You've already run her through the list of bridesmaid questions, right? So here's another list of questions you should think about specifically when it comes to this all-important job. Remember, your choice of maid of honor can affect your wedding more than any other decision but who you are marrying, so don't be afraid to take some time and really soul-search on this one.

1. Who is the first person I call with good or bad news and cares the most about me?
2. If I could only have one person at my wedding (beyond parents), who would that be?
3. Who is the most reliable person I know?
4. Who is the most organized person I know? Your maid of honor is your right-hand woman and you really need her to be up to the job.
5. Who is least likely to create more drama than necessary?
6. Who is able to manage the amount of people in your bridal party without pissing them all off? This requires charm, finesse, and an open mind.
7. Who can get bossy when needed without being an out-and-out bitch about it?
8. Who has the time for this? As the person most involved after you, your groom (actually, maids of honor are often more involved than any guy), and your families you really don't want to ask someone who is going to blow you off due to commitments. This doesn't mean you shouldn't ask a busy friend, they are often the most organized people and best able to prioritize their time properly, but if she tends to cancel out on plans a lot or doesn't return phone calls she won't suddenly start just because you are getting married.
9. Who would get along best with your mother and/or future mother-in-law? Generally, maids of honor will have to communicate with the mothers on the bridal shower and more, so it's helpful if that relationship can be as close to conflict-free as possible. Bonus points for already having a good relationship with one or both mothers! If you have some mother issues (like domineering mothers who want to control everything), make sure your maid of honor is willing and able to stand up for what you want.
10. Along the same lines, who is the best diplomat? This is especially important for large bridal parties. Your maid of honor is most effective if she is able to work with everyone and make sure no one feels excluded, without compromising on what you need or want.
11. Who is most excited for your wedding? Never underestimate the power of enthusiasm.
12. Who gets along with the groom and supports your upcoming marriage wholeheartedly?
13. Who throws a great party? If your maid of honor is experienced at entertaining she will have a much easier time getting everything together, not just for the pre-wedding parties but in all matters of working with and for a group.
14. Who is comfortable with speaking in front of a group? Modern traditions include a toast from the maid of honor at the wedding, rehearsal dinner, and bridal shower. That means a two- to five-minute speech, so you don't want to make someone do something that really freaks her out if you can avoid it.

If those questions don't make your choice clear, move onto these less-important but still helpful ones:

1. Whose fashion sense do you trust? You want your maid of honor to be perfectly honest with you about your own gown, the bridesmaid dresses, and maybe even things like your choice of linens. You do not want someone who tries to preserve your feelings by telling you everything is gorgeous when it's not flattering at all! After all, you want to look and feel your absolute best on wedding day and an honest friend can help that happen. Mirrors at stores are know to lie and when you've looked at a million products your head can become clouded. This is where your maid of honor needs to step in and help you figure out what's best for you.
2. Along the same lines, who is brutally honest with you? If you surround yourself with "yes-women" you won't get the feedback that helps on any topic. I'm not saying you would ever want someone who puts you down, quite the opposite, but you need to know that she states her mind.
3. Who has a good support system herself? If a woman has a strong family, great friends, and/or a helpful significant other it can make all the difference in how much she can support you. On a personal note, I could never do this without the support of my boyfriend and father, my boyfriend has been helping out with chores and such and my father has given and loaned me some extra cash for wedding-related stuff that's a little beyond my own reach.
4. Who is good at selling? I don't mean she has to work in sales or anything, but you do want someone who can sell her ideas to a group and get everyone on board with the plans.
5. Who has the best taste in everything? It seems like everyone has that one friend who always knows the right food to serve, the perfect wine to compliment it, or just the most artfully decorated home, sort of the Martha Stewart type. These talents can be invaluable to any bride.

If you've gone through all this and still just can't decide, post your considerations in the comments and maybe we can figure it out together.