For the Bride: Choosing Your Attendants Part 1

N.B.: This blog is mostly for maids/matrons of honor and bridesmaids, but I've been asked a lot lately about this subject, so I thought it might be good to do a series of posts on this difficult and all-important decision process.

So, he's popped the question (or you mutually decided to get married) and you've been celebrating with your friends and family. Every woman you know is likely pestering you about being in the wedding and you haven't even picked a date!

Of course, you don't want to hurt feelings and everyone seems to have an opinion in this matter. Slow down, take a breath - it's time to dig down and do something that is very hard to do, rank your friendships and make some tough decisions.

Whether you have always seen yourself with a small bridal party or a massive gaggle of giggling girls, there are a lot of choices to be made before you ask a single person. Still, you need to start with deciding on this. There are a few advantages and disadvantages to having any size:

Small Bridal Party Advantages

1. Only your nearest and dearest are in the bridal party, so you know their qualities and limitations intimately.
2. Choosing a dress is easier when there are less body types involved. If you are allowing your bridesmaids to pick their own dresses (with or without limitations on color, length, style, etc.) you will end up with less variety and a more coordinated look.
3. You have less presents to buy, which can either save you money or allow you to splurge on each woman if you have the budget. If you like, you can more easily cover expenses like hair styling, manicures and pedicures, and professional makeup if their look is really important to you.
4. It's much easier to make beauty appointments for a small group.
5. You and your maid of honor will have a much easier time wrangling all the women.
6. Your maid of honor will have to consult with less people about pre-wedding parties.
7. You will have less individual personalities to deal with and are less likely to have conflict between bridesmaids.
8. Being asked to be a bridesmaid is much more of an honor, since so few make the cut.

Small Wedding Party Disadvantages

1. All the pre-wedding party planning falls on less shoulders and there will likely be less money in the kitty for them.
2. You will have less people to call on for help with wedding planning.
3. There are more likely to be hurt feelings due to leaving people out.

Large Wedding Party Advantages

1. You can include anyone who matters to you and your groom and accommodate family requests, like the cousin you were close to as a kid but haven't seen in a while who your mother thinks it's a travesty to exclude.
2. Pre-wedding parties are more likely to be on the extravagant side (depending on the financial status of your friends and norms of your social sphere, of course) since there are more people to contribute and invite.
3. You will have plenty of help available any time you need it (could also be a disadvantage, but let's look on the positive side of this).
4. You don't have to worry about hurt feelings within your circle of close friends.

Large Wedding Party Disadvantages

1. Getting all the bridesmaids to do anything will be much harder, individually or as a group.
2. Your maid(s) of honor will have a LOT more work wrangling everyone and more of that job will likely fall on your shoulders.
3. You will have to buy loads of attendants gifts.
4. Making appointments for everyone's beauty care will be harder, especially if you are going to a salon instead of bringing pros in. With a large group you may have to be worked on in shifts, which could take a long time. It would also be very expensive to treat the whole bridal party, if that's something you would like to do.
5. Taking pictures will take a lot longer than with a small group, as each person in a photo exponentially makes it more difficult to get "the shot" (think about people yawning, coughing, making weird faces, etc.).
6. All those personalities working together can make for a lot of conflict, especially when it comes to planning pre-wedding parties and other group decisions. Too many cooks in the kitchen, anyone?

I'm sure there are more points to consider for each bride and her own situation, but hopefully I've covered the basics and made you think a little. It's easy to make these decisions early and without considering the implications, so take a little extra time before asking and make sure your plan will work for you. Once you've asked someone to participate there is no going back, after all!

Anyone out there have any pros or cons to add?